Adventurmer 1 - The Walk

Once upon a time there was a brave and wise cat named Explorermer Mortimer. Really, he was only called Mortimer, but "Explorermer" denotes that he was an explorer of very special talent. Explorermer Mortimer lived with his mummy and daddy and his faithful sidekick, TCVEB. This is the first tale of Explorermer Mortimer and his many adventures.
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It was one of those fairly dull and cloudy days that you'll all know about. The sun had poked tantalisingly onto the top of Explorermer Mortimer's head a couple of times in the early morning, whilst he slowly manouevred himself around the living room to catch the rays and warmth as the sun shone in through the window. It was a ritual that he followed every day without fail...even on the days when mummy and daddy were at home. Their efforts to tempt him to move - via offers of food, the dangling of a piece of string or a loving nudge with a foot - were doomed to failure when he was not in Explorermer mode.


On this particular day, the sun had hidden out of view for a good few hours and Explorermer Mortimer sensed action. The tinny jangle of a lead and the soft rubs of fabric as shoelaces were tied and a jumper pulled over a head meant only one thing: TCVEB and daddy were going on a reconnaisance mission! Ever thankful of the training he'd undergone many years previously, Explorermer Mortimer roused himself from his slumber and broke into a gentle trot down the stairs. Taking great care not to look at all bothered or interested in the fact that TCVEB and daddy were getting ready to go out, Explorermer Mortimer nonchalantly meandered towards the front door. The timing was perfect - a few seconds later and daddy gently opens the door for his favourite little cat to go outside and get some fresh air. Explorermer Mortimer heads due east and quickly takes cover behind the front right wheel of a pale blue Alfa Romeo. Daddy's Alfa Romeo.


TCVEB, tethered to daddy by a light brown lead, heads north immediately after exiting the front door. "He always heads north" thought Explorermer Mortimer, suddenly realising that maybe his faithful sidekick may be becoming a little too set in his ways. After a good fifteen seconds, Explorermer Mortimer feels it's safe to poke his head out and is satisfied that they are keeping the usual sedate pace. "Good", thinks Explorermer Mortimer, "don't bring attention to yourselves. Nice and steady, nice and steady", he wills them on.


Keeping a safe distance of about thirty feet between himself and the lead team of two, our intrepid explorer moves stealthily along. The heavily populated area provides Explorermer Mortimer with plenty of car wheels to use as cover. As TCVEB and daddy move swiftly west, then north, our hero winks confidently to his compatriots outside the house of the Crazy Old Man Who Feeds Cats and, with a spring in his step, uses the shadows and a couple of fence posts to vary his cover. He's infused with bravado, adrenalin and, yes, a sense of derring-do. "This is going well", he thinks to himself.


Moving along now at a slightly more rapid pace, the dodgy hip and his swinging underbelly remind EM that he's not as young as he used to be. Still, they're not exactly racing along up ahead, so it's easy to maintain a steady gap between them - although the camouflage cover is becoming more sparse and there's an eerie silence spreading around the vicinity. The silence was to prove his undoing.


TCVEB and daddy rounded the corner up ahead, heading sharply west. This was crucial now: there was a period of up to 15 seconds where they would not be in his view. The high brick wall saw to that. Sprinting now created more sharp reminders of the painful hip injury of his youth and one-too-many treats dragging down his belly made the effort to keep up with his prey harder than it ought to have been. Little did EM know, but this rapid sprint would blow his cover. Previously, the sedate pace had not triggered the small tinkling bell around his neck but moving at this speed, he may as well have been blasting a klaxon horn and announcing "Hey, I'm here right behind you and have been following you all along!!!".


Rounding the corner, our brave little cat glances up ahead and sees daddy and TCVEB within sight; over the road, but within sight. Looking left, then right, Explorermer Mortimer crosses the little-used road and welcomes the presence of a row of parked cars to sidle closer. Little did he know that daddy had heard the tinkling and was grinning to himself. "Mortimer has joined us again" he mumbled...half to himself and half to TCVEB.


Here's where our story takes a sudden and more adventurous twist. If there had been earlier tales of The Adventures of Explorermer Mortimer then you would know that this wasn't the first time that EM had joined daddy and TCVEB on a reconnaisance mission. You would also know that it wasn't the first time that daddy had grinned to himself that the brave little cat had been secretly following along. So let's just pretend that there HAD been previous tales and that you DO know this. And what you would know, therefore, is that daddy had NEVER left the confines of the village before and that this tale is special, exciting and somewhat filled with trepidation, because it's the first time EM had crossed The Road over to The Lake.
You'll be delighted to know that daddy felt confident in his young charge and that he felt sure that EM would benefit from broadening his horizons. It would build his strength of character, his stamina and his worldly experience. So even though daddy was fully aware of EM's presence, on he pressed over the little bridge over the river and through the underpass which took them under The Road and over to The Lake.


Explorermer Mortimer continued to make good ground. His heartbeat picked up a few notches as he took in this brave new world. The one time he'd followed daddy and TCVEB on this route, they had turned back before the river bridge - and he'd had to dive smartly into an alleyway to avoid detection. So EM's sense of derring-do reached fever pitch as he watched daddy and TCVEB (and their shadows) disappear, then reappear, several times as they passed the lights of the underpass and then beyond and up the incline on the other side.
"What kind of mission is this?", he thought to himself. "I must stay calm and draw on all my training to keep myself undetected. And given the length of this mission, it's lucky I had my usual three pouches of food before lunchtime".


Moving swiftly now, EM enjoyed the lengthening and shortening of his body as he moved through the underpass. If he'd had more time, he'd have revelled in the glory and rhythm of his swinging belly and the stubby little tail that barely featured on the shadows flickering quickly on the walls.


Danger lurked quickly as EM emerged into the light of the incline up towards The Lake. His faithful - albeit often dim-witted - sidekick TCVEB nearly blew his cover by circling and faffing before finding a suitable piece of grass upon which to relieve himself. TCVEB's delay might have been well-intentioned in buying EM some time to catch them up, but Explorermer Mortimer had experienced his ineptitude too many times and saw it for what it really was: a greedy, ponderous dog had eaten too many treats and was now squatting inconsiderately on the beautifully manicured lawns of The Lake. EM was very relieved to see that daddy moved in swiftly to contain the offensive deposit in a fragranced orange bag, which he quickly dropped daintily into a red bin full of similarly fragranced bags.


Thankfully daddy was in too much of a hurry to glance back and notice our exposed hero and EM thought once again how glad he was that TCVEB's faffing was at direct odds with the more purposeful intentions of daddy. "If my faithful sidekick had his way, we'd never get to start any missions unless they were missions to find treats or sleep to conserve energy to find treats later".


EM took the opportunity to take in his surroundings. To the north was a small hillock which daddy and TCVEB were climbing. Following carefully and emerging over the top, he was greeted with a fantastic vista - a blue lake spread out before him, fringed at every edge with reeds, shallow inclines upon which ducks played and black swans squatted. North east, an informal grassy verge divided the lake from a small river. North west, a path wound from the farthest edge of The Lake all the way back round to the underpass behind him. And down over his left shoulder, to the south west was another, smaller lake filled with many more birds and ducks. Very interestingly, EM noted a helipad. "Hmm, useful for our future faraway missions. I wonder if daddy has clocked that yet".


Drinking in the stunning views, EM almost forgot that he should be closely following the lead reconnaisance team of daddy and TCVEB, but no matter. Up ahead, he could see that daddy was gently coaxing TCVEB back in this direction again and Explorermer Mortimer took cover in some reeds on the edge of the lake. (You may have guessed that, in truth, daddy felt this was quite far enough for today for - as he called him - Mortimer and that they'd best be getting back now or mummy might get cross. But we won't let our brave hero know that).


Glancing left, then right, EM rose gently from the shadows of the reeds and trotted carefully down the embankment towards the underpass. TCVEB seemed to be pressing on quite quickly now and Explorermer Mortimer suspected that the inducement of a treat might be behind his faithful sidekick's sudden haste. Nonetheless, a quick glance back from daddy whilst EM was in open ground caught him totally off-guard. Inexplicably, daddy didn't seem to notice EM and our little hero once again thanked his military training for his ability to stop suddenly and blend into any background - even freshly-mown grass - because there cannot be any other reason that daddy didn't spot him there and then.


The journey back was very uneventful. For once, sidekick TCVEB performed his duty to perfection - tugging on his lead and quickly taking daddy back to base. EM began to regret his thoughts of how incompetent TCVEB often seemed to be and thought how he might praise him when they compared mission notes later. But that thought soon passed.


Using the cars as cover gave EM plenty of opportunity to avoid the frequent glances that daddy seemed to be performing. "He really is a good reconnaisance leader", thought Explorermer Mortimer, "constantly being aware of what's going on around him. If I wasn't such a stealthy explorermer myself, he would have seen me, but lesser mortals won't be so lucky and TCVEB and I can relax whenever we go on missions with daddy in the future. Of that I can be sure".


Once they rounded the big brick wall, EM relaxed and dropped back markedly. Letting daddy and TCVEB move on towards home, Explorermer Mortimer headed east down an oft-used alley and meandered towards his compadres at the Crazy Old Man Who Feeds Cats house. Half an hour of conversing and carousing later and he deigned to head over to base camp and await daddy or mummy opening the door. At which point he casually strolled in, buried his head in a juicy pouch of food which had been emptied into his bowl and grinned smugly to himself.
"It's been a good day", he thought. Enlightening, opening up new boundaries and - yes - that helipad seems very interesting. Very interesting indeed.


That night our hero dreamt of helicopters.