Adventurmer 4 - The Training

Once upon a time there was a brave and wise cat named Explorermer Mortimer. Really, he was only called Mortimer, but "Explorermer" denotes that he was an explorer of very special talent. Explorermer Mortimer lived with his mummy and daddy and his faithful sidekick, TCVEB.


This is the fourth tale of Explorermer Mortimer and his many adventures.


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As has been mentioned previously, our hero is a very experienced cat, adept at mastering many various situations of peril. Explorermer Mortimer himself would willingly acknowledge that much of the confidence that he carries into these situations is as a result of his training as a young cat many years previously. This was carried out under the tutelage of mummy and must, for reasons of national security, remain secret.


Since beginning reconnaisance missions with mummy (and, later, being joined by daddy and TCVEB), Explorermer Mortimer has consistently remained on the lookout for new ways to maintain the sharpness of his combat ability and to hone new moves. Going so deep undercover presents problems which Explorermer Mortimer has had to work very hard to adapt to and overcome. Like all operatives who have blended so well into society and who cannot - indeed, must not - be identified as a secret agent, the challenge of maintaining a rigorous training regime is tough. He must ensure that he is never identified as a top combat agent and achieves this very well by lying perfectly still in one place for hours at a time. Anyone observing EM in action would be stunned by his actual inaction. Essentially, what we are saying here is, he is very good at disguising himself as a very lazy cat.


As Explorermer Mortimer has grown older and wiser, he has grown to appreciate some of the decisions that mummy has made. Six years ago, he wondered why on earth TCVEB had been recruited into the unit - especially so soon after daddy had arrived. This sudden doubling of the unit size was sure to arouse suspicions. However, he was satisfied that mummy knew what she was doing - primarily because they had quickly undergone a series of base moves which would have left the trail cold for any enemy operatives who had been tracking their movements.


Still, the decision to recruit and train TCVEB had seemed folly at the time. He clearly had been chosen on looks rather than ability. The misaligned jaw was unfortunate enough and the less said about the retained testicle, the better. The fact that TCVEB squealed like a big girl when said (or, should we say unsaid) testicle was removed only heightened the suspicion within Explorermer Mortimer that mummy had chosen poorly on this occasion.


Yet, as time has passed by, EM has grown to appreciate the logic behind mummy's decision. The recruitment of an operative who - to outsiders - appears to be equally sedentary and ineffectual was a master stroke. No-one would surely be aware that behind closed doors, TCVEB would turn out to be such an effective sparring partner. His youth, the fact that he already had the injuries (thereby avoiding arousing suspicion on his regular visit to the vet's) and a strange penchant for very irregular bursts of activity known as "mad ones" meant that he had developed into a suitable - if not perfect - training partner.


Even so, Explorermer Mortimer had been the one who had to devise the training workouts. EM surmised that mummy had given him this responsibility so that he could tailor the workouts to his own specification, given his vast experience of combat in the field.


Early training took the form of threats and intimidation. The youthful and enthusiastic TCVEB had naivety on his side and would frequently present EM with many opportunities to test out the intimidatory tactics. Explorermer Mortimer prided himself on quickly understanding the lie of the land, which he silently attributed to the years of reconnaisance mission activities which he'd undertaken. This meant that he frequently secured command positions on sofa chairs or steps above TCVEB. From this vantage point, EM could - and would - easily cuff TCVEB with a quick right-left combination, leaving his training partner stunned and bewildered.


Quickly, however, the training had to develop to become more sophisticated. Explorermer Mortimer hadn't realised his own strength and skill. It quickly became apparent that TCVEB would withdraw from the training if EM cuffed him with his claws. So EM learnt to cuff with his pads. This was clearly quite boring for Explorermer Mortimer and so he quickly worked in some more complex combinations - an uppercut here, a shot to the ribs there and when he was feeling particularly confident, a switch to southpaw or even an attack upwards from the floor or a lower step. The division in class was still very large, however. TCVEB soon began to remind Explorermer Mortimer of when the testicle had been removed due to his unnecessarily whiny squealing whenever EM commanded a dominant position on the stairs. EM quickly became frustrated by the incessant whining from his partner whenever EM was above and even below him on the stairs and TCVEB had wanted to pass.


TCVEB held a very valuable tool in ensuring that EM retained his sharpness. The "mad one" bursts of energy would often come out of the blue and surprise even such an experienced combatant as Explorermer Mortimer. On such occasions, EM would quickly regain his composure as his faithful sidekick raced from one room to another in an apparent unfocused whirlwind. The speed and changes of direction necessitated good timing on the part of our hero and he would not disappoint - landing blows with chilling accuracy and soon debilitating the young trainee. Such exercises were vital for EM to prepare him for upcoming live missions.

The years have not been kind to TCVEB and it is likely that our hero, Explorermer Mortimer, will have to devise ever more cunning ways to ensure that both he and his faithful sidekick retain operational efficiency in the combat zone. Whilst ever that EM is concocting those new training regimes, he is always very careful to maintain the facade of simply being a lazy homebody of a cat and is pleased that, in that aspect of training at least, his faithful sidekick TCVEB has learnt well.